Many of you may know Mike and I were matched with a baby boy before we were matched with Miss Libby.  We were so very excited!  Mike was finally going to get the boy he desired and well me… I was just going to be a mom to another child and that was all I needed.  There was this gut feeling from the very beginning that this maybe wasn’t the one.  I chose to over look that feeling and try my hardest to prepare for this little baby boy.  We spoke with the birth mom over the phone and everything seemed great. The lack of communication with the Utah agency is where I felt I was getting the strange feeling from.  They just didn’t give me the warm cozy feeling I was use to. Again I chose to over look this feeling and move forward.  During this time we were trying to sell our house, build a new one and plan to bring home a new baby.  You might say I was just a little stressed to the max.  Like every difficult situation, we heard “It will all work out.”

February 17th, 2014 we waited patiently for a phone call from the Utah agency.  The birth mom flew in from Michigan and was seeing a doctor and then we would get the date to travel. We didn’t get any information until Tuesday the 18th and this is when I thought my world had ended. The birth mom decided to fess up to the fact that she had been doing drugs while pregnant with our baby boy.  I was so hurt and angry.  We were then faced with the hardest decision of our life.  Do we continue forward or do we say no.  This is one thing that Mike and I had talk about prior to starting the adoption process.  We had agreed we didn’t what a child exposed to drugs. So we agreed this wasn’t the best situation for our family.  It’s so hard to describe the pain I was feeling.  My heart ached for that baby boy.  For those of you that have lost a child or had a failed adoption you can related. From the moment you find out you are pregnant and the moment you are matched with a child…… you bond.  That child is yours.  You begin to envision your life with them and even go as far as what they might look like.  To have a child taken from you before you get to hold them might be the cruelest feeling ever.  Again we heard “God has a plan and that child just wasn’t in the your life story.”

So back to the beginning we go.  We didn’t have to wait to long we were matched again April 18th. We had since sold our old house, closed and moved into our new house.  So the timing of this was just a little less stressful.  I wouldn’t have to move into a new house the day we brought our baby home.  This was a much better situation already.   From the beginning we didn’t know whether we’re getting a boy or a girl.  Just an added excitement to the whole deal.   Due date was May 23rd.  This felt so right.. This is the one..  The same feeling I had with Layken.  Not a single doubt in my mind this was going to be our child.  I still have a hard time believing that a person can have such strong feelings for a situation that is completely out of their control. How can a person have such an over whelming feeling of this is the one?