Sitting in the last row of the airplane as we arrived in Bismarck, might have been the most antagonizing wait of all times. I all but ran off the jet way. She was the first smiling face I saw that day and will never forget the feeling of being so complete.  I was carrying Libby in a wrap and Layken just pried her out of there so fast.   She just couldn’t wait to hold her little sister in her arms. Then there was me that couldn’t wait to hold Layken in my arms again as well.  Finally the two sisters were together.  No more face timing. A big thanks to all the friends and family that met at the airport and to those who greeted us at home.  It’s so nice to have those memories captured.  The picture of the four of us together as a family of four is so priceless to me and will forever be cherished.  I still have it on my refrigerator and it may never come down.

The first week we made an appointment with our family Dr.  She followed up with the pediatricians in Alabama and their thought that her head size was measuring on the smaller size.  She ordered a CT scan right away, just to help us rule out anything. CT scan was completed and super easy.  Libby was a champ for that.  Results come back from that and they saw some abnormal results and would like to do an MRI. Let the whirl wind begin.  Mike’s work had just switched over to new owners.  So we needed to make sure all insurance was taken care of and not stuck with huge medical bills.  So the MRI was scheduled for July 18^th.

July 18^th is yet another day I will never forget.  I still have flash backs to that day whenever I drive to St. Alexius and park in the parking lot near the Emergency entrance.  The pain is so strong it will bring tears flooding down my checks.  I have to arrive early for any appointments there now, just to pull myself together before I enter the hospital.  I am not sure when the pain of this day will every end??? Once we have Libby all checked in and ready for her MRI we are told it’s a required overnight stay for any child under the age of 6 months old.  This was news to us, but oh well rearrange a few things with Layken and get all settled in. They then take us up to the room where the MRI will be performed.  I thought this would be a, ok we will call you when it’s done procedure.  No Mom you need to stay and hold her in your arms until she is out. Yikes yet another moment feeling your child go completely limp in your arms.  I know I keep saying I won’t forget these moments.  I am sure over time I will, because they will be filled we new memories of pain and also many memories of joy.   For now they are deeply instilled in my memory.

Mike and I are finally able to see Missy Libby and she is crying like I have never seen her before.  I tried everything to get her to calm, but she was one very unhappy baby.  After about ½ hour of her screaming at the top of her lungs we are all settled in and she is eating a bottle.  Later that afternoon the doctor called with the news.  She felt horrible to have to deliver this news, but Miss Libby is missing her corpus callosum (medical term Agenisis of the corpus callosum).  Basically she is missing the white matter of  neural fibers that connect the left and right cerebral hemispheres (the right side to the left side).   This came as a bit of a shock to us, but the doctor assured us that this may cause some delays, but in a lot of cases they can overcome this.   Ok so this really sucks right???  But we can get through this is what we thought.

The doctor recommended that we see a pediatric neurologist.  So off to Fargo we went on August 5^th.  From July 18^th to August 5^th we were feeling hopeful and finding some comfort in knowing that Libby was just missing her corpus callosum………

Once we were all settled into UAB Medical center it was time to focus on getting Missy Libby breathing on her own.  We had one amazing nurse that was really aggressive and trying really hard to get Libby on the road to recovery.  Too bad we only had her a couple days. I remember walking in one morning and getting yelled at immediately by the new nurse for wearing my rings in the room.  I looked at Mike and once she was out of the room…. He said, “This is don’t going to work is it?”  She wasn’t our nurse for very long. J  We had a much better one replace her.   Hey spending 12+ hours in a hospital, I might as well get along with the nurse caring for my child. J

The days were so long and frustrating listening and watching monitors for over 12 hours a day’s starts to wear on a person.  Mike and I would take a break and go for walks around the hospital.  We needed to meet the lawyer one day.  I looked up the address and it didn’t look that far.  I convinced Mike we could walk.  Let’s just say it was a lot further then it looked on the map.  It was super-hot and not a breeze in sight.  We also walked through some not so great neighborhoods.   But we made it and got some extra exercise in that day!

So this whole time Libby was in the hospital for not being able to keep her oxygen levels up.  Most of the time she would dip down below 70.  So then they would have to increase the Oxygen again.  The goal was to have her maintain above 95 on her own.  Right around the 2 week mark Libby decided to give us just one more scare.  Her heart rate spiked to a crazy level (SVT).  This was a new noise for us to hear and about 3 nurses and a Doc come rushing in.  We were asked to step out of the room. Once again we are waiting in the waiting room and have no clue what is going on.   A little while later a nurse comes in to fill us in on what is going on.  She said they had to give Libby a drug called adenosine.  This drug basically stops and restarts the heart.  They had to give this to Libby 3 different times.  The nurse also said not to look that up, because we wouldn’t like what we would read.  We just needed to know that she is doing fine now.  Now with that having happened Libby was placed on a medicine called propranolol. This was help her heart maintain a slow and steady rate.  Bad news she can’t be taking off for at least a year.  Good news she can follow up with Dr. Fernadaz in Bismarck.

After dealing with the SVT it was about 4 days later and we finally told we can take our little Miss Libby home. By home I mean the hotel.  We once out of the hospital we had to wait for clearance to leave Alabama.  Our agency was on the ball and got the paper work done. But bad news is we have to wait for it to get to Montgomery, AL, to North Dakota then back again to Montgomery.  We asked if there was anything we could do to get things rolling.  We drove the paper work to Montgomery.  That saved us one whole day. The gal in the ND office was also very helpful and responded quickly. Two days later we were given the ok to fly HOME!!!!!!

Just one thing though. We needed to see a pediatrician before we could fly with Libby.  So we went back into Birmingham and met with a pediatrician.  Like everything else, nothing being easy.  The doctor thought her head seemed small and that he should run some test.  So we had to wait around and ran some test.  They wouldn’t get the results for weeks, but said we should definitely follow up with our doctors once we got home. We were finally given the go ahead to leave for good!

The emotions of finally being able to bring our new baby home was over whelming. I couldn’t wait to be surrounded by family and friends!!!  Mike and I kept listening to the song “I’m Coming Home”.

The time has finally come. We get to meet our sweet baby GIRL!  We had waiting and waited for around 3-4 hours before we were told she was born. We had made numerous trips to the nurse’s station to get an update, but they never really had much information for us.  I felt so left in the dark.  This was obviously very hard for me, as with Layken’s birth I was right in the room.  I got to be with her every step of the way.  I think the hardest part was that I wasn’t the first person to hold my child.  I was and still am hurt by the fact that they were trying to get her oxygen levels up and I didn’t even know that she was born yet. I know there is nothing I could have done to physically help the doctors and nurses.  There is one thing I could have done to help Libby, I could have prayed. 

Now the memories I will never forget. I remember it as if it happen just a minute ago. First the swollen, little, blue, baby girl.  My heart instantly drop to see her looking this way. My first instinct was to pick her up. But they wouldn’t let me.  All I could do was touch her check and hold her hand.  This Mama was aching for the most precious act of bonding I could get with my adopted child, the ability to hold her and snuggle her.  The pain of not being able to hold her was like nothing I have ever felt before. Little did I know that pain would become something even more horrifying.  

Later that evening they did let us hold her but once her oxygen levels dropped they would take her away from us again a put her back on the oxygen.  Three days went by and they just couldn’t get her levels up high enough. The hospital we were in didn’t have a NICU so it was then they decided she needed care they couldn’t provide.  Now comes that horrifying pain again.  They give me the papers to sign to have her transported.  In those papers were some words that made me become so ill.  The amazing lady that would be with Libby during the ride assure me though that everything would be alright. After I signed all the papers they brought Libby out in her Isolate for transportation.  THIS was the point at which I broke down completely.  I had keep my emotions to my pillow for the most part, but I broke and there was no stopping these tears and sobs. The elevator doors open and they were about to take my sweet Miss Libby away. It was then an angel stepped between us. A stranger just passing by, places her hand on Libby’s isolate and one on me and Prays for this sweet child and parents.  I get that hard lump at the back of my throat now even typing about it. 

So we are now on our way to yet another very unfamiliar place.  UAB Infant Care Center in downtown Birmingham.  One thing I am so grateful for on this trip is GPS.  We found the hospital and our way around perfectly with the GPS.  Now if the GPS would show us around that hospital we would have been set.  We eventually found the NICU, got all checked in and have never been so amazed.  This NICU was the regions larges NICU.  There was if I recall 3-4 pods (really long hallways) that specialized in different care for each baby.  There was multiple computer screens in every hallway.  These screen showed the stats of every single baby on the floor.  This was very assuring to us. I think each pod could take care of about 10 babies. The nurses took care of 2-3 babies. Their station was right outside each room. With a window into each room.  They could see each baby they were caring for at once.  This was a teaching hospital so at rounds in the morning we would have at least 20 people in Libby’s room.  What I wouldn’t have given to be back in North Dakota where I would have known at least one person taking care of my child.  But she was really receiving the best care possible.

This isn’t about meeting my child for the first time……. This is about meeting the women who chose to GIVE me my second child.

Mike and I woke up way too early. We can’t even be to the hospital until 9:00 am.  We had a little drive and were weren’t sure how long it would take us to get to the hospital. I think we were there by 8:45 am.  This meeting of the birth mom was much more nerve racking compared to when we met Layken’s birth mom.  Seriously can you every be fully prepared to meet the women who chose to give you a child?  With Layken’s birth mom, Amy from our agency was with us and guided us the whole time. This was so very very different.  Mike and I were told to walk right into the hospital, go to labor and delivery floor, ask for birth mom’s room and THEN walk right in and introduce ourselves.  Talk about the most stomach twirling first impression EVER!

Knock Knock……..We enter the room to find probably the sweetest young women I have ever met.  Of coarse she looked just as nervous as we did.  We spent the next few hours visiting with her and praying she loved us as much as we are growing to love her.  Because after meeting us she could decide not to let us keep the baby.  So now you understand why we needed to make a good first impression.  She looked so alone, young and yet relieved. After awhile we felt comfortable around her.  She had lots of questions about what it’s like where we live. I hope some day we can open our home to her.  Mike and I were so affraid of the whole open adoption option.  We don’t have an open adoption, but I do know some day we will meet her again.   I didn’t want to leave her, but she wanted to be alone during the delivery.  So we patiently waited in the super comfy waiting room.  Who am I kidding wait patiently???? (Especially if you know Mike at all.)  We weren’t very patient, and the waiting room was not comfortable at all.  Just like we waited and waited… So will you to hear the rest of the story!

Boarding the plane in Bismarck I had about a million different emotions going through my mind.  Excitement, sadness, fear, and again the feeling of certainty. I couldn’t believe today we boarded a plane to become a family of four.  I was sad to have to leave Layken behind.  We figured there just wouldn’t be much for her to do for a week in a hotel in Alabama.  She was in good hands and had a full schedule.  She would be just fine.  It was only Mom ma that would struggle.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen next.  The fear of the unknown is my life struggle.  I love having a plan and schedules are my happy place.  But through it all I know that this plan ride was just taking me one step forward to where God so carefully created a path for me.

After a few delays and a really long day of travel, we landed in Birmingham, Alabama.  After getting our luggage we made the trek over to the rental car pickup.  The man there was so friendly.  Of coarse the question of what brings you to Alabama comes up.  I told him adoption and the sweet man confesses that adoption had a very special spot in his heart.  They had adopted their son 10+ years ago.  So many people have been touched by the life changing option.

All checked into the hotel and some how needed to get some sleep.  Because tomorrow we become a family of four!

Many of you may know Mike and I were matched with a baby boy before we were matched with Miss Libby.  We were so very excited!  Mike was finally going to get the boy he desired and well me… I was just going to be a mom to another child and that was all I needed.  There was this gut feeling from the very beginning that this maybe wasn’t the one.  I chose to over look that feeling and try my hardest to prepare for this little baby boy.  We spoke with the birth mom over the phone and everything seemed great. The lack of communication with the Utah agency is where I felt I was getting the strange feeling from.  They just didn’t give me the warm cozy feeling I was use to. Again I chose to over look this feeling and move forward.  During this time we were trying to sell our house, build a new one and plan to bring home a new baby.  You might say I was just a little stressed to the max.  Like every difficult situation, we heard “It will all work out.”

February 17th, 2014 we waited patiently for a phone call from the Utah agency.  The birth mom flew in from Michigan and was seeing a doctor and then we would get the date to travel. We didn’t get any information until Tuesday the 18th and this is when I thought my world had ended. The birth mom decided to fess up to the fact that she had been doing drugs while pregnant with our baby boy.  I was so hurt and angry.  We were then faced with the hardest decision of our life.  Do we continue forward or do we say no.  This is one thing that Mike and I had talk about prior to starting the adoption process.  We had agreed we didn’t what a child exposed to drugs. So we agreed this wasn’t the best situation for our family.  It’s so hard to describe the pain I was feeling.  My heart ached for that baby boy.  For those of you that have lost a child or had a failed adoption you can related. From the moment you find out you are pregnant and the moment you are matched with a child…… you bond.  That child is yours.  You begin to envision your life with them and even go as far as what they might look like.  To have a child taken from you before you get to hold them might be the cruelest feeling ever.  Again we heard “God has a plan and that child just wasn’t in the your life story.”

So back to the beginning we go.  We didn’t have to wait to long we were matched again April 18th. We had since sold our old house, closed and moved into our new house.  So the timing of this was just a little less stressful.  I wouldn’t have to move into a new house the day we brought our baby home.  This was a much better situation already.   From the beginning we didn’t know whether we’re getting a boy or a girl.  Just an added excitement to the whole deal.   Due date was May 23rd.  This felt so right.. This is the one..  The same feeling I had with Layken.  Not a single doubt in my mind this was going to be our child.  I still have a hard time believing that a person can have such strong feelings for a situation that is completely out of their control. How can a person have such an over whelming feeling of this is the one?

Today I sit and reflect on the past year…. I thought to myself….get yourself together Kari and start this blog.   So hear it is peeps… My journal for MISS LIBBY starts today!  As many of you can relate.  The 2nd child just doesn’t get as much attention as the first.  Yeah right says Miss Libby.  Miss Libby has had ours and many peoples attention from the moment she arrived. But I do have to say, that since I have been so busy giving Miss Libby all my attention, I have neglected to start her baby book.  I use to be such a scrapbooking crazy mama.  With two kids now that has become a thing of the past for me.  So I thought why not do a blog???  I am really sorry if this is a ramble, but I am lucky I am able to focus on one thing for more then 2 minutes lately…. OH MY!! Did you see that squirrel?  Not kidding focus has a 2 minute window.  My goal is to share with you the life of Miss Libby.  She is just 7 months old, but she has an amazing story that you are not going to want to miss.  This is all I am going to post today, but I sure hope you come back.  The story of how Miss Libby forever changed our family is one of a kind.