As most of you know it’s been 16 months since Miss Libby has graced us with her ever loving smile.  So for the last 16 months I went through life with this illusion that I was wearing a cape and had super powers! It was a yellow cape, for those that were wondering. My super powers were to basically never need sleep and have the do it myself attitude. Being a mom of 2 amazing girls, work full-time, own, manage and work a small business.  Don’t forget being a wife, doing laundry, doing dishes, chauffer to and from therapy, coordinate our family’s schedule, be a friend when time allowed and volunteer when I can.  Notice I didn’t say I was a cook.  You got that right ladies, Mike is our family chef!  He helps with other things as well, but that is my favorite thing he does. All in all I am pretty blessed with his willingness to help.  I just keep thinking I will get caught up, and things will get easier. Yes I said it be a friend when time allowed.  I found myself stuck in my house most of the time if I wasn’t working.  Why didn’t I leave the house? Well because it was just easier to never go out in public….I was afraid and in denial.  I didn’t want people to see that my 5 month old wasn’t even holding her head up. Now a 16 months she still has her moments when she can’t hold her head up…. But guess what she CAN hold her head up!!! Libby is a fighter and so amazingly strong.  I was focusing for so long on the things she can’t do, instead I needed to focus on the things she CAN do.  It wasn’t until our first appointment with the doctors at Gillette Children’s asked what she can do and I said not much.  They looked at me and started asking questions.  Can she sit in a highchair? “Yes” Does she drink her bottle well? “Yes” Does she recognize people and voices? “Yes” I think you can see where I am going with this…. She CAN do things!

We do go out in public a little more, but it’s still hard not going to lie. I love to shop, but I can never just run into a grocery store after I get Libby from daycare. The first time I realized this was back when she was in a carrier car seat. I was heading into Target and got ½ way into the store realized she would take up the whole cart with her car seat.  So back to the car I went.  I pulled out her stroller and place the base in the stroller…. I got as far as the carts in the store and realized I still can’t get all the things I needed. I thought maybe Layken could help me push a cart and I would push Libby in the stroller.  Well Layken tried, but she was barely tall enough to see over the cart and for the sake of everyone’s heels we packed up and went home.  Shopping now only happens if Mike or I can be home and the other goes. Or we both go, one pushes the cart and one pushes the stroller. Shopping alone with Libby is about to become doable. Our daycare received a grant and purchased a Go-to-Seat.  This handy little seating system gives Libby the support and safety to sit places we thought she may never be able to!!!!  I can’t wait to try it out!

So some things are getting easier, but it’s is still very taxing on myself and our family. With Libby’s sleeping habits all messed up I became an emotional wreck two weeks ago! I was visiting with her PT from Early Intervention and I lost it.  I might breakdown when close friends are near, but her PT. I was embarrassed. Everything happens for a reason.  She saw my pain, my stress and heartache and recommended we consider applying for respite care.  I had no idea we could have such services.  Still a little reluctant I said I would talk to Mike about it.  Before Mike even got home that evening, I was dead set on getting respite care for Libby.  I just keep thinking of all the things I could do again.  I can work out again, I can read a book, I can do laundry without tears, and most importantly Mike and I could have some alone time.  We have had a few sitters here and there, but it’s hard to ask them too much. We do want them to come back after all. We have amazing friends and family that help us out too.  Sometimes it’s nice to be able to do things with our friends and family though and not leave our children with them. I have thought I might even cook a meal again. Okay maybe not, but it does sound exciting. So now my mind is made up we need help. Luckily I didn’t have to twist Mike’s arm too much he agreed! We are starting out with 30 hours a month of HELP.  When we first agreed to 30 hours I thought wow we will never use that much.  Guess what one week later I am thinking more might be better. We will take whatever we can get. One fear I have with receiving help is, will that make me less of a mom? I know I need HELP, and no I will not be less of a mom.  I will be a better mom, just by being able to take care of myself.  I will be a much better mom.  I can’t wait for the HELP now. Because soon I will be a healthier, happier SUPERMOM again!